Site Policy

Copyright Notice

I own the copyright to all of my articles and my artwork. Guest bloggers and re-blogged entries retain their own copyrights. Quote me freely, but do not reproduce entire posts!  Link and attribute always!


Please submit your questions through the Ask a Question page. If you get an error message there, it’s because I’ve temporarily suspended questions until I clear out a backlog.

By sending me questions or posting your comments to Helleneste kai Grammateus, you are granting me the right, in perpetuity, to use, quote, alter, and/or display those questions and comments however I see fit both for commercial and non-commercial distribution. If this concerns you, use a pseudonym and remove identifying details before you send.

I do not share your personal email address or identity, with one exception: People who threaten or harass me or other posters will have their names, emails, and IP addresses shared with their internet service providers and, if necessary, law enforcement.

I don’t answer all questions I get, and I don’t answer them in any particular order.

Please keep your questions and suggestions brief, under 500 words.

On occasion, I’ll invite some of you to be a guest blogger or share something you’ve created, like a hymn you’ve composed, or a piece of artwork you’ve created, that will enrich the community. Feel free to send these through the Ask a Question page as well, but the same policies apply as with questions.

Also, consider doing a search or clicking around in the list of categories to see if we’ve answered similar questions before you send! It may be helpful to head over to the Glossary for disambiguification when composing your question as well.

Comments Policy

I moderate comments and endeavor to make this one of the best, most supportive and enlightening comment spaces, on the internet. Not every point of view deserves to be heard. Unmoderated spaces tend to be full of assholes.

Anonymous posting is allowed. Using a consistent identity is encouraged.

The first time you comment, it will automatically go to moderation.

After that, your comments will theoretically show up immediately, though the spam filter frequently eats legitimate comments, even by regular posters. Comments that contain multiple links or comments posted in quick succession by the same poster will almost always go to spam. I clean out the spam trap as often as I can, but please be patient and realize that I am not always on the computer.

Of course, sometimes comments don’t show up because I delete them. This is my blog, and I can delete any comment at any time for any reason, and I have no time for rules lawyers. There may not be a warning or explanation of why your comment was deleted.

If your comments are getting deleted a lot, you should probably read this great post by Harriet J. at Fugitivus about how not to participate in discussions on feminist blogs.

A non-comprehensive list of some common reasons comments are deleted:

  • Misognyny, slurs, racism, homophobia, transphobia, gender essentialism (“Well, how can you expect men to do x?”), ableism, harassing to other posters, mansplaining.
  • Full of code-words like “misandry” and “beta-male” that indicate that you are a Men’s Rights Activist.
  • You’re correcting another poster’s spelling or language without actually contributing anything to the discussion, which tells me you are tiresome and pedantic and don’t belong here.
  • You’re derailing a thread, either by making everything about you or by using one of these tactics.
  • The discussion has become uncivil and has devolved into personal insults, threats, advocating violence, or turned into a pile-on.
  • You are trying to diagnose a stranger’s mental illness through the internet. Even if that were possible, usually knowing a diagnosis doesn’t equip the letter writers to DO anything about it. It’s far more constructive to focus on behaviors and what you can say and do about those.
  • Your comment is way too long. We don’t need your whole life story! Also, learn to love the line break. Don’t make us parse an undifferentiated wall of text.
  • Your comment is just a link to your own blog without adding anything to the discussion (that’s called spam!).
  • There are no points for class participation, so if both sides of an argument are well-covered by previous comments, we don’t need to read endless variations of the same opinions.
  • This is not an exhaustive list.

Sarcasm, curse words, gentle mocking, criticism and vehement disagreement are generally allowed, as long as the overall spirit is constructive and in good faith.

Having your comment deleted or being asked to stop commenting in a particular thread or to move on from a topic of discussion is IN NO WAY an invitation for you to send me lengthy emails detailing your thoughts. If I wanted to read Your Thoughts I would have let you keep posting them.

Finally, all advice is caveat emptor “Let the buyer beware”.

You’re getting someone’s opinion and personal experience. Sometimes what I have to say will be what you wanted to hear, and useful to you, but sometimes it won’t be. Sometimes it will be funny and cleverly written and sometimes it will not be. We all have off days. I have my own issues and biases that  affect how I approach things. I own that, because it’s my point of view. I never claim to be in a position of impartiality and calm acceptance. You’re the expert on your own life. Take what’s useful and use it.

General policy and some verbiage taken as example with respect from Captain Awkward, who seems to have this advice column thing down.


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